Last Thursday John Barson and I interviewed Wendy Behary, LCSW and author of “Disarming the Narcissist” on the Relationship Show. www.relationshipshow.com After an hour, all we had discussed was defining a Narcissist. I had no idea how many Narcissists I have had in my life. HMMMMM, not sure what that says about me? 
The term Narcissism hails from Greek mythology, Narcissus was doomed to eternally fall in love with his own image in a mountain pool as punishment for refusing to accept an offer of love by Echo, a young mountain nymph. Because Narcissus could only crave but not possess the image he saw reflected in the pool, he pined away and was eventually turned into a beautiful flower. The evocative tragedy in this myth provides us with the moral that true beauty and lovability blossom when obsessive and excessive self-love expires.
According to Wendy there are unhealthy and healthy Narcissists, the difference is knowing the difference and learning how to deal with them.
Wendy describes an unhealthy Narcissist as follows:
- self absorbed (acts like everything is about him or her)
- entitled (makes the rules and breaks them)
- demeaning (puts you down, bullyish)
- demanding (of whatever he or she wants)
- distrustful (suspicious of your motives when you are being nice to them)
- perfectionistic (rigidly high standards- their way or no way)
- snobbish (believes they are superior to you or others, gets bored easily)
- approval seeking (craves constant praise or recognition)
- unemphatic ( uninterested in understanding your inner experience or unable to do so)
- unremorseful (cannot offer a genuine apology)
- compulsive (gets overly consumed with details and minutiae)
- addictive (cannot let go of bad habits, self soothes)
- emotionally detached (steers clear of feelings)
A healthy Narcissist is :
- empathic (attuned to the inner world of others)
- engaging (charismatic, socially literate and inter-personally companionable)
- a leader (able to conceptualize a purpose or vision and able to direct when collaborating)
- self possessed (not selfish, confident, and rigorously commited to generosity and authenticity)
- seeks recognition ( fueled by approval ratings and motivated to make a difference)
- determined (able to push beyond the dense briar’s of opposition)
- confrontational ( can hold others accountable without assassinating their souls)
- wisely fearful (able to discern between reasonably disquieting solicitation and destructive seduction)
Some examples of this Healthy Narcissism are Oprah Winfrey, Eckhart Tolle and Barack Obama; all positive examples, but what about the unhealthy ones?
To find out more or learn how to deal with unhealthy Narcissism effectively you can read Wendy Behary’s book “Disarming the Narcissist” www.newharbinger.com or stay tuned. I will elaborate in further posts.
Have a fabulous day and enjoy the sunshine.
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