Yesterday I had a great comment from a subscriber, his point was “do I think that nice guys finish last”. He also stated that he thought women gave mixed messages on what they were looking for, so he felt a little confused, as I assume many men are in this arena. As a self professed nice guy, he felt that very often he was passed up while the women opted for the bad boys.
Intellectually I would like to say that women always appreciate a nice guy, but I have seen exactly what he was referring to and often wondered why.  Speaking for myself, I know that I do prefer a man that will treat me well. Are looks a factor, of course, men have attractiveness as their first criteria, women have it a little further down, but not much. The first criteria for me is definitely a nice guy, but I also have to be physically attracted to him and his personality. Just being a nice guy is not enough. But someone that is prettier than me, no thanks, most women like men that look like men. We are drawn to confidence not cockiness. If a man is confident and comfortable in his own skin, (not vain), women are drawn to him. Every one of my  female clients wish list includes, confidence. If they feel like they can step all over you, they do not want you. That does not mean that they want you to treat them badly, they just want you to be your own person. They want to feel that you are strong, confident, capable and passionate as well as dependable, loving and kind.  I know some of you are saying hold on, there are no men out there like that. Honestly there are, I have met many.  It’ s kind of like survival of the fittest, we like to know that you can take care of us, even if we think we can take care of ourselves. 
However a man that is a player or a wild card, no matter how attractive he may be (or thinks he is) ,will inevitably wear on women, even the ones that say they are attracted to a bad boy. Some women will never get over them and I wish them all the luck in the world, because they are gonna need it. The intelligent women get it and eventually realize that they do want a nice guy. Kinda like men, they may fantasize about some porn star they’ve seen, but would they ever really want to end up married to one, no. Â
When I talk about confidence, I am talking about having a real comfort in their own skin. They have a smile that says , I feel good about myself. There is something so sexy about that, it drives women crazy. It comes from inside, so if you are feeling like you are a nice guy and think that women are not noticing you, maybe you need to look at what might be holding you back. Why are you not thinking about yourself that way? Maybe you just need an image consult or a full overhaul. Sometimes a potential client will come to me that is a diamond in the rough, with a little polish I have been known to  bring a sparkle to a lack lustre man in no time.   You would be surprised what a little image consult can do for your self confidence and that goes for men or women. There may be something emotionally holding you back, if so get help, I have a few relationship coaches onboard for just that reason. Why else would you let someone step on you? You will not attract a partner or make a relationship work if you are carrying a ton of baggage, trust me the opposite sex will see it a mile away.   We all have a history, it is  important to make sure that going forward you are ready to make the next relationship better. Isn’t that what we all want?
Things not to do if you think you are too nice of a guy. (what turns a woman off)
-Â do not let a woman treat you like a doormat
- do call her and then let her call you back, do not call her over an over leaving messages every 5 minutes (if she does not call back she is just not that into you)Â
- do not drop everything in your life to wrap yourself around her, no one wants to feel smothered Â
- do surprise her by being thoughtful, but don’t go overboard so it feels obsessive
- do keep your friends and normal activities, you can include her but don’t give up things that are important to you, that make you feel good about yourself
- do not become a yes man, be true to yourself, she wants to know what you really think about things
-Â do not stalk her
To answer your question, yes intelligent mature women want a nice guy. But not so nice that you lose yourself. They need you to be true to yourself, they want you to be happy,confident, with a positive attitude as well as loving and kind.   I am not sure if that answers all your questions but I hope it helps shed a little light on this issue.  Â
PS. The man I was talking about, is in a loving relationship now with an intelligent successful woman and he realizes how great that really can be and obviously she realizes the value of a nice guy.
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Excellent advice Sheree! – Gentlemen : this is the truth.
Sheree, just read this response to my previous comment and I had to follow up; you are bang on when it comes to the confidence you write about. I personally realize that being myself and having confidence is my own best asset and, to be blunt, that is what attracts many men to women as well. Hell, it’s what caused me to ask the women I’m now in a relationship with out in the first place – her confidence.
I think most people know friends or co-workers of both sexes that wouldn’t be considered super models but they somehow have that charisma, that attraction that draws the opposite sex to them…confidence without cockiness as you point out. The sort of people that light up a room.
Science even backs some of this up. I’ve read a couple of articles that claim one of the biggest factors to determine if someone will be attractive to the opposite sex is how they carry themselves: are they comfortable with themselves? Do they show openness and approachability with their body language? Or are they closed?
As you point out, there is more to it than just confidence after all good looks for either sex can get you that initial attention but, perhaps if people thought about others like cars they would realize that a shiny buff body might be great to look at or even test drive but if you are buying the car only to find out the body was all flash and there was no real ability to handle the challenges ahead on the road, most people would be placing a sales ad pretty quickly. Hey if you get it all, great! But, in the long run, most people want a car that can handle the road and doesn’t only offer a pretty facade.
Thanks so much for your comments, you are a very wise man, (again a man in a relationship with one of these wonderful women). I like your references to cars, I do love the classics. Take care and please continue to participate.