When I first started this blog I wrote this post and it seemed to have gone unnoticed, maybe it was because it was fairly early and I did not have many followers but in light of the last comments on my last post I thought I should reactivate and update it. If you are angry at all women in general, you might want to read this.
Are you ready for love, really? I know a lot of you are saying….. hell yeah. But are you really? I meet people every day that tell me that they are looking for love. On the other hand, some of you have sworn off love and members of the opposite sex. When I am prescreening new client,one of the first things I do is ask enough questions to find out, if they are really ready. Many times I find out that they are not quite there yet and it can come as quite a shock. We all want to find love and think that it will make us happy, but we need to make sure that we are ready for it. I could put the most amazing person in front of someone that is angry, bitter or disillusioned and the end result would be disastrous. The end result would add more baggage to that angry person and the new person would also end up discouraged and the cycle continues. So let’s look at what the term “being ready” entails or move importantly what it doesn’t.
Are still angry at your ex? If you are, sorry, but you are not ready for love yet. Why are you still angry, maybe unresolved issues, do you still care in some obscure way? If you don’t trust the opposite sex, why not? Do you know for sure all the men or women in the world are liars or cheats? Are you sure that all members of the opposite sex are bound to hurt you? Why do you think that? Please remember that not all men or women are the same. thank god. 
If someone treated you badly, please remember that it was that man or woman, not all men or women. Are you worried that potential partners will not like you, why not? Do you believe that you are an amazing catch and anyone should be happy to have you in their lives…… if not, why? Sometimes, when we vent about others we are actually looking for someone else to blame for our own unhappiness. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! If you ever want to have a happy healthy relationship you have to start with the person in the mirror, you cannot be responsible for everyone else’s behaviour, but you are solely responsible for yourself.
What are you looking for in another person, make a wish list for the characteristics that you want in a partner, does it describe what you bring to the table? If you expect your partner to be fit and healthy emotionally and physically, are you? I am always shocked at how many people tell me “I don’t look my age”, sorry but everyone tells me exactly the same thing. The majority of Men over 35, tend to want to date younger women, why? What if a woman has everything that you bring to the table and looked the same age as you? What’s the real reason? Seriously think about it and be honest with yourself. Quite honestly, lately I have met more women than men who have dealt with their baggage and more men carrying so much crap that I have no idea how they can stand up. Of course that is a generalization and those are always bad, so sorry if I offended anyone. I know that it does happen the other way as well, but I only date men, so that is my area of expertise. I have heard horror stories from men though.
Do everyone a favour and make sure that are really honest about where you are, what you are looking for,what you need to make you happy and that you are happy with yourself, before you go out looking for your potential true love (men and women) . If you have just come out of a relationship, you are not ready. So all of you who rebound the very next week into someone else arms thinking that it will take away the pain, think again. It may do more harm than good, to you and the next victim that crosses your path. No one wants to carry your baggage or be painted by the same brush.
Could you picture yourself in a marriage or living with someone within the next year or so? If not, why not? Timing is such a big issue. If you find someone that you fall in love with and is perfect for you, if the timing is not right, for both of you, it will not work. I have had timing bite me in the ass, more times than not. We cannot expect anyone else to make us happy, we have to figure that out by ourselves. When you are truly comfortable in your own skin, happy and positive on your own and you know for a fact that you are a great catch for the right person, then you are truly ready. Don`t forget to make sure that your potential partner is also ready.I know it sounds like a lot of work and no one really wants to look at our part in our failures, but it is a necessary, if we don`t want to keep making the same mistakes. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time.
Falling in love can be the most amazing exciting thing, it`s what we all desire and deserve. It can happen when you least expect it. The last thing that you want is to have it fizzle out or blow up in your face because of unresolved issues and bad timing. When you are in the right frame of mind, happy and emotionally healthy, you might realize that there really are some amazing women and men out there. Don’t be surprised if they look different from what you pictured your ideal mate to look like. You never know who might be just around the corner. Hey, I am a hopeless romantic, I wouldn’t be in this line of work if I didn’t believe in it, it’s certainly not for the money. I work way to hard trying to find a perfect match for my clients, if I was just after money, I would host an online dating site, sorry, I digress.
If you have any issues that you would like discussed here, please let me know. If I don’t have the answers I do have a couple of relationship therapists onboard that I can ask. Thanks again for following, if you haven’t yet, you can find the Subscribe link on the front page of this post. Best of luck to you all.
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Hi, interesting and well thought out article.
I recently met someone and then it fell apart due to an hours drive between the two of us (and obviously both parties really wanting to see eachother)
My point being that we may be ready, really ready and felt like a ‘hurricane ‘ had hit us when we met this person, but we also need to learn to fight fair. I’m not totally devistated by the loss as it was short, however I was hurt and felt that one partner ending it without a discussion of ground rules that could kill the relationship, was totally one sided. How does one deal with that? Keep up with the thoughtful articles, they are appreciated.
I am glad that you are not hurt, I am sure that was not the intention, and I am sure that she was also disappointed. I am not sure what you mean by “ending it without a discussion of ground rules” but Sometimes we just don’t get what we want and if things are not going to workout it is better to know sooner than later.