We all have people that come in and out of our lives for whatever reason and sometimes no matter what we do or wish we could do, we eventually come to the realization that this relationship is not going to be beneficial to both of us. I have always hated this part of dating. How else do you get to know someone, but by dating, by spending time with each other? I know that this is exactly why I started my Matchmaking business, in hopes that I can save some singles some heartache of attaching themselves emotionally only to find out that there is an obstacle that you just can’t get past, (they want children and you can’t or the time is just not right or their life styles and yours are incompatible). Usually by the time we discover these issues we are already attached emotionally, so we stay and struggle longer than we should, but sometimes it is just not meant to be. At some point in every dating relationship we have to decide, are we going to go forward to the next step or is the next step to walk away and wish them the best. I HATE THIS POINT.
When we come to that horrible decision,” this is not the one” we are faced with that conversation that we all dread. Personally, I have a terrible need to want to tie things up in a pretty little package and end things amicably, but not everyone appreciates, wants, or is capable of that same thing. Sometimes they want or need to be mad at someone. I can honestly say that the last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone, but sometimes no matter what I do, there is no way not to. No matter how kind or compassionate we may try to be, the other person often feels the wrath of rejection and I know that is a terrible feeling. I wish I could make it so that no would ever feel that feeling ever again, but it is not in my power. DID I MENTION THAT I HATE THIS POINT?
How do you end a relationship without hurting the other person, even if you are both in agreement that it is not working? When is enough time to know, enough is enough. These issues are all different for every one of us. I know we need to be really honest and look at our potential partners with open eyes, right from the start, if there are issues at the start, there will be issues in the relationship. I have learned that we can only be responsible for our part. We can not make them think like we do or behave the way that we would. We have to decide if they never changed one iota would we be able to spend the rest of our lives with them, if the answer is no, you have your answer.
How do we avoid these situations? Why can’t we just have flip top heads and hearts and we could look inside and maybe then we could understand who they really are, before we get emotionally involved , maybe that would help? 
But I digress, people are not cartoon characters although some of us may seem that way sometime. damn, damn and double damn again. One more reason that a matchmaker helps, she can ask all the questions that we all want to know and she is not emotionally involved, she is just doing her job and worth every penny if you wish to avoid some heartache.
I do believe that things happen for a reason and that sometimes people come into our lives, although often briefly, for us to learn a lesson. It is not always possible for us to understand what that lesson is at the time. Sometimes we get why, at a later date, but not always, it is not always our lesson. The best thing we can do is be grateful for the good times or feelings that we did have together and acknowledge what did work as well as what did not work, so that next time, we will look a little closer and maybe handle things better. No one person can meet all our needs, we have to be happy by ourselves and our potential partner also has to be happy with themselves before we can look at a relationship that has a possibility to work.
I have been around long enough to know that chemistry alone will not be enough to make a relationship work. Damn it. As well as a great friendship, without passion it is just that, a great friendship and god knows we can always use those. Is it not possible to have both? Maybe I am Pollyanna but I think it is possible. I realize that opposites attract, but I have learned that the relationships that last, are couples with similar beliefs, life styles and life goals. When we are faced with this dreaded reality, (this relationship is not really what we want) all we can try to do is be compassionate and kind and hopefully our next dating adventure will lead us to a better result. Isn’t it better to know sooner than later. Again, one more reason for going slower with our dating exploits.
If anyone of you knows a good way to handle this frustrating part of dating I would welcome your input. I have asked many men and women over the years about his subject and no one has ever told me a painless remedy to this down side of dating. I wish I had a magic wand and could make everyone fall in love with the right person the first time and none of us would ever have our hearts broken, but alas I am but a mere mortal. Damn, Damn and double damn.
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Hi Sheree!
Wow, great blog – love your down to earth authentic writing style!
For me what I have noticed is that when I decided to be ok being single, when I decided to fill my life up with “friends” I noticed a real shift within myself.
Now I can honestly say I have 5 intimate (not sexual) friends who are female (I have male as well). Something I never really did before.
I grew up old school, men were friends – women were relationship partners.
In so far as dating goes, I would meet someone, the attraction would be there and then I would be “off to the races”.
What I have come to realize is that men and women are a lot more alike than most people like to admit.
And that attachment is the real problem – we fall hard for someone and then we “attach” so quickly – without realizing we really don’t know this person. That “feelings” can and will deceive us.
People insist on “attachment” from their partners because of their own insecurities.
I mean really if you are so worried from the get go about them being a “seriel dater” “a loser” or a “user” then maybe it’s either your insecurities or maybe, just maybe you need to trust what your gut is telling you.
Just food for thought.