Before I say anything else, I want to stress that not everyone in the world cheats, there are actually honest people out there that deserve your repect and trust.
There seems to be an epidemic of infidilty, politicians, public figures and the general public, male and female? How many times do people have to get caught before they realize that if they are going to cheat they will get caught? There are so many reason’s that people cheat and I could write a whole other post about that, but they all based around ego and by ego I mean theirs. Every time you turn on the news there is another one caught red handed, why do they risk public humiliation, their careers, marriages, relationships and their families happiness? Because they honestly believe that they will never get caught! Seriously how can they possibly expect that they are so clever and charming that no one will catch on? If you lie or cheat, you will always get caught, it is just a matter of time! Do you really want to be responsible for the pain and heartache that it will cause you, your partners and your families? Did you know that the aftermath of an affair goes even further than that?
I am starting to believe that every one of us has been touched by a cheater in some way. As a single woman, I have met more men than I can shake a stick at that are damaged, angry and mistrusting because some woman has broken their heart by cheating. I have heard many women complain that it has happened to them and every one of them swears they never saw it coming. I am sure that the cheating spouse has no idea the pain that they cause and how many victims the trickle down effect takes in its wake. Even when the affair becomes common knowledge they somehow manage to justify that they were not the only ones at fault. They blame their partners, society, alcohol, the other party, but seldom do they look at their own responsibility. I realize that there are always two sides to every story, but the victim toll is often more than anyone ever thought. What happens to the spouse that has been cheated on? Whatever the reason for the affair it is irrelevant to this partner, they only know that the opposite sex cannot be trusted. After all they put all their faith and trust in this person, they promised to forsake all others, never expecting that their loved one would do anything so selfish. I don’t believe that people set out with the intent on hurting their spouses, they just are so egotistical that they honestly believe that no one will ever find out. Why else would anyone cheat, unless they really do want to get caught, but that is a whole other post.
I feel so much compassion for the partners of cheaters, I can only imagine (thank god I have never experienced it) how horrible it would be to find out that someone that we loved and thought loved us would do something so disrespectful. One thing that I have learned, is that the scar can be so deep and painful that they rarely get over the pain of betrayal on their own. It is so important for partners of a cheater to get the help that they need, to get over this feeling of humiliation. I can understand how it would make you not want to trust another person of the opposite sex again, but it is vital, if you ever want to have a healthy relationship. Trust is a major issue with relationships and if you are still angry with your ex no matter how long ago it was, you are not ready to move forward. If they do not deal with this issue, they will continue to mistrust everyone that comes into contact with them. No relationship will work when one of the partners has a trust issue. As someone that has been on the receiving end of this mistrust, I can tell you that it is a sad and frustrating place to constantly have your partner scrutinize everything that you do, because someone else has hurt them. It is a no win situation and completely unfair to someone that had nothing to do with the affair. I know I have talked about baggage a lot and I seem to go over it a lot but the truth of the matter is, if you are over the age of 25 you have probably been affected by someone else’s infidelity.
People, there is nothing wrong with getting help, if you have been hurt by another, do yourself and anyone else that you may look at dating down the road a favour and get help. You know how painful it was to be hurt by your loved one, why on earth would you want to pass on that pain? I am sure that it is not your intention to hurt someone else, but the end result is that you will, if you have trust issues. This is not something that your new partner can fix for you, you must do it yourself, before you look at another relationship. You have suffered enough because of the infidelity, stop the cycle and talk to a professional. Alot of companies actually have counselors onboard to help you deal with emotional trauma, take advantage of it. If not, then spend some time on your own reading (lots of books on this issue), join a support group (talk to your doctor or look online) or talk to a trusted friend. Do something, but don’t expect that the next person will be able to take that pain away, it will only lead to more pain and heartache for both of you, if you cannot trust anyone. Making a relationship work is hard enough, don’t start a new one off with this mindset. The next person in your life does not deserve to be painted with this brush, you will only bring yourself more heartache, it is time to heal that wound. You are responsible for your own happiness, make sure that the pain stops with you. I wish you all the best, you deserve it. 
Tags: broken hearts · cheating spouses · dating · dating and relationship blogs · dating blogs · dating in vancouver · heal your heart · healing yourself after an affair · infidelity · love blog · Matchmaker · men and women · mistrust in a elationship · relationship blogs · relationships · Sheree Morgan · vancouver dating · Vancouver Matchmaker3 Comments
Wow, first thing I see when I check out your blog is this.. how did you know? I think that I must tell you that while I totally with the following line…
“They blame their partners, society, alcohol, the other party, but seldom do they look at their own responsibility. ” This is exactly what happened with me..they were drunk on tequila one night and the rest is as they say history. Then I received a 4 page email telling me all of my negative traits as to why she “fell out of love” and had the affair.. Talk about not taking responsibility.
Anyway, not all people will come out jaded and know that trust is something that is given,not earned. If I meet someone for the first time I “must” believe that they are trustful and basically I give you the benefit of the doubt and it is now up to you to either show respect for that given trust or disrespect.
In any case, your comments on this are spot on and I couldn’t agree more with your blog. Great job!
We all deserve to be trusted until we are proven wrong. Good for you, for realizing that it was that woman and her co-hort and not you or anyone else that was responsible for the affair. Going forward If you expect disaster, from your potential partners, that is exactly what you will create. We all need to have faith and think positive , with our eyes wide open of course
I can’t imagine how awful that must feel initially, I hope you never have to feel that betrayal again. Sounds like you are definitely on the right path.
Thanks so much, if you have any particular areas that you would like me to discuss please let me know.