If you have ever dated or tried to have a relationship with the opposite sex, you have probably asked the same question. He said, she said, can sometimes be the exact opposite. In any disagreement there is always his perception, her`s and the truth, which is probably, but not always a combination of both. Which is why an outsider ( a therapist or counsellor) with no emotional attachment can help when things get really confusing.
In a past relationship while I was trying to solve an issue that was, in my mind, completely fixable , I realized that men and women do not speak the same language at all. I tried reaching out to my partner, the only way I know how, trying to talk to him (COMMUNICATE), that`s what everyone says we have to do, right. I stated all his wonderful qualities, he was kind, thoughtful, a good man, a great sense of humour, we had a wonderful friendship as well as great chemistry, our lifestyles and life goals were very similar and overall we had a great relationship, I absolutely loved him and was more than willing to do whatever it took for both of us to learn how to communicate better, so we didn`t have these miscommunications. He sat there without looking at me with his arms crossed tightly in front of himself and blasted me with “so you are saying that it is all my faùlt”. I was dumbstruck, I didn`t say that at all, but that`s what he heard. My response stupidly was “did you not listen to anything I just said”`. His response was “yes, you just said that everything was my fault and I don`t know how to communicate”. He didn`t hear any of the positives that I had said about him and us, he only heard the negative part about not being able to communicate effectively and he did not hear me say both of us (meaning him and I) he only heard that I was saying that he didn`t know how.
Special note to everyone: if your partner is sitting in front of you with crossed arms, no eye contact, a locked jaw and one foot out the door, chances are he is not listening and will misinterpret anything that you say to him or her.
I have learned over many years and relationships of all kinds that sometimes no matter what you say, if someone has already made up their mind about an issue, it does not matter what or how you say something, they will only hear what they want. So why is that? I think that if I could solve this question I could solve one of the worlds biggest problems, miscommunication. The biggest thing that I can see is that we all assume way too much, I know that I have done this once or twice myself, okay maybe three times. 
When we assume we make an ASS out of U and Me, get it!
If you have never done this then you must be GOD, or at least a better woman or man than me. I have spent years trying to hone my listening skills and my communication skills, but sometimes I still mess up, usually when I am being triggered by something, because my warning bells are drowning out my listening and reasoning skills. DAMN IT ! We all have to admit that when we are triggered by our partner that we are never at our best. We want them to love and understand us all the time, so why won’t they just listen to us? Remember when we are pointing a finger at them there are three pointing back at us. CRAP!
I know how hard it is to sit and try to listen to your partner when they are just being so unreasonable, why can’t they just understand me? Sound familiar? It is possible to speak the same language but it takes patience, compassion for your partner and the willingness to want to understand each other, not just the need to be right. Ouch, did I just touch a nerve? Hey, don’t get mad at me I am just the messenger, I am trying to solve this dilemma just like everyone else.
If it makes you feel any better miscommunications, can happen to anyone, even between friends, families (don’t you know it, try having a big family dinner and discussion and see what happens) and they don’t even have to be man versus woman. The end result is that we all need to try to let go of our egos, (damn, damn and double damn) and to try to listen, try to comprehend their side, try putting ourselves in their shoes and she how we might feel. Patience is a virtue and god love those of us that have it and help us to have even more. I can be very patient, but when triggered, watch out, not my finest hour, hey I am nothing if I am not honest! Please remember that we are all human,we all make mistakes and miscommunications are often the problem. What happens when we miscommunicate, we react or overreact, but that is a whole other post. I was at a workshop on Monday and learned that this is when we are supposed to be grateful, ( yeah right) because it gives us the opportunity to grow as a couple, provided we can work through it.
I wish you plenty of patience, love and understanding.
W
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[...] and women do speak a different language and if you want more info on that see
Nice post!
One thing I always like to keep in mind is that although it is a slight generalisation, men communicate predominantly through LOGIC whilst women communicate predominantly through EMOTIONS! That is where the confusion happened in the conversation example you gave.
If you really want to communicate properly then also make sure their mind is not on other things. If my girlfriend is trying to tell me something in depth whilst I am working for example I’ll make sure I give her my full attention rather than ‘half listen’ to her and work at the same time.
All the best,
Sam
http://www.sparklife.info