Vancouver Dating by Matchmaker and Dating Expert Sheree Morgan

Let’s talk about  chemistry, is it a friend or foe to a relationship?  HMMMM, very interesting subject actually.

There are actually two different types of chemistry, sexual and romantic chemistry.  Sexual is based on a mutual magnetic, animal like attraction that is based on physicality and usually nothing more. (some people refer to this as their type). Unfortunately it can leave us feeling helpless to resist but is usually short-lived if it is the only connection. I refer to this type of chemistry  as train wreck  or roller coaster chemistry. Like an out of control freight train or roller coaster it may feel overwhelmingly exciting  and intoxicating and often blinds us into making bad decisions. Unfortunately  this wonderful feeling inevitably comes to a screeching halt at the end of the track.  So what started out as a great ride often ends up with a pile of  bloody carnage and broken hearts. If you are over 35 you probably know exactly what I mean! I have taken this ride a few times, but I think I know better now. Don’t quote me on this.   I have learned to never say never.

Romantic chemistry is similar but  could also include intellectual,  creative, emotional, and or  spiritual connection as well. Unfortunately the attraction is often linked to some  similar positive and negative personality traits to important figures in our earlier life (unfinished emotional baggage).

Sexual Chemistry feels wonderful and can often be described as euphoria.  It can make you feel invigorated, energetic,vibrant  and powerful.  No wonder this is so attractive to us all? Who wouldn’t want to feel that? So why is this a problem?  Because unfortunately this feeling of euphoria can sometimes wan as quickly as it came when we eventually come down to earth and discover our partners imperfections. We can often feel cheated and resentful at that point because our partners don’t always live up to our expectations. At this point our partners positive traits can evolve into a negative. (example: the confidence we were attracted to can now appear to be egotistical and controlling).

Toxic chemistry can often cause couples to break up and get back together in hopes of trying to resolve this unfinished emotional baggage. But on the other hand, if we are emotionally mature and willing to work through the issues, it is also what draws us in and makes us want to make the effort. The good thing about this is that the more obstacles that we overcome and the more trials and tribulations that we get through  as a couple, the deeper our relationship grows. I took a workshop about love and conflict and the speaker said that if we wanted to find a deeper true  lasting love, instead of running away, we should welcome the conflicts in our relationships because it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow together.  This makes perfect sense!

Most people say that they always know right away if there is chemistry and I would have to say that  for years I believed that. But sometimes it grows and evolves over a period of time, out of friendships, shared values and backgrounds. Either way, I think that the one thing we should try to remember is that chemistry although wonderful is not the only thing needed when considering a possible relationship. If you have it immediately make sure and keep your head about you, while you get to know this exciting alluring creature, try to see if they are someone you actually like and could imagine spending your life with, exactly as they are.

A while ago I read a book that had 2 great questions to ask  yourself about your potential partner. 

If this person never changed one iota for the rest of their life, could you stay with them and would you be happy? 

Would you like to have a child exactly like this person and would you be proud of them?  

Great questions and pretty simple to answer aren’t they?

Ah Chemistry, it makes your potential partner exciting, stimulating, and so alluring,  just try to make sure you keep your head long enough to see if you also like them.    

www.match-works.com if you have not sent me your profile, what are you waiting for? http://www.match-works.com/Application.html

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